We had it once,
then we lost it,
all of us,
we lost it somewhere,
between,
our parents,
maybe drunk,
maybe abusive,
maybe neglectful,
or maybe just,
clueless.
school,
the everyday grind,
that was acceptance,
and desire for love.
that boy/girl who never
gave us the time of the fucking day,
much less returned any affection.
teachers,
the droning mantras,
that we didn't care,
that we had no discipline,
that we would never amount,
to anything.
that stunned,
disapproving look,
on peoples' faces,
whenever we told them,
how we REALLY felt.
that worthlessness,
and inadequacy.
whenever we were told,
to try harder.
So we found it again.
we found it somewhere,
somewhere between,
visceral noises from
cheap guitars,
and fuzzy amps.
in every club everywhere,
in rusty warehouses where we gathered.
paint flaking off their sheet metal exterior.
In long, rambling nights of
whatever and ever,
when at least we were free.
small, orange packages of
ZIG-ZAG,
and its' musty green counterpart.
the look in each others' eyes,
anonymous fumblings in the back seats of cars.
small, colored boxes of
cancerous plant bundles,
and that ubiquitous liquid that,
burned soo bad,
just the TASTE,
could make you forget yr troubles.
we found it in worn leather,
with small pyramid studs.
and cheese-cloth patches,
with roofing tar insignias.
in hairspray,
and dyes,
of every ungodly color imaginable.
we found it in small pieces of steel
driven through our flesh
in the sting of razors,
and subdermal deposits of ink that followed.
in small tablets
(also evey ungodly color imaginable)
that cost alot more than money.
in yellow, acrid crystals of certain death.
in broken light bulbs.
torch lighters
foil,
straws and pen shafts
in makeup,
Oh, so much makeup,
that we really wore,
more for ourselves than anyone.
we found it in each other,
and how we met needs,
in how we could be our own saviors.
And we found it,
in the way we awoke each morning,
with no memory of any of this.
Why oh why,
had we become,
nothing,
and everything,
we ever wanted?
and where would we take it from here?
________________________________
We were. We are. We will be.
________________________________
then we lost it,
all of us,
we lost it somewhere,
between,
our parents,
maybe drunk,
maybe abusive,
maybe neglectful,
or maybe just,
clueless.
school,
the everyday grind,
that was acceptance,
and desire for love.
that boy/girl who never
gave us the time of the fucking day,
much less returned any affection.
teachers,
the droning mantras,
that we didn't care,
that we had no discipline,
that we would never amount,
to anything.
that stunned,
disapproving look,
on peoples' faces,
whenever we told them,
how we REALLY felt.
that worthlessness,
and inadequacy.
whenever we were told,
to try harder.
So we found it again.
we found it somewhere,
somewhere between,
visceral noises from
cheap guitars,
and fuzzy amps.
in every club everywhere,
in rusty warehouses where we gathered.
paint flaking off their sheet metal exterior.
In long, rambling nights of
whatever and ever,
when at least we were free.
small, orange packages of
ZIG-ZAG,
and its' musty green counterpart.
the look in each others' eyes,
anonymous fumblings in the back seats of cars.
small, colored boxes of
cancerous plant bundles,
and that ubiquitous liquid that,
burned soo bad,
just the TASTE,
could make you forget yr troubles.
we found it in worn leather,
with small pyramid studs.
and cheese-cloth patches,
with roofing tar insignias.
in hairspray,
and dyes,
of every ungodly color imaginable.
we found it in small pieces of steel
driven through our flesh
in the sting of razors,
and subdermal deposits of ink that followed.
in small tablets
(also evey ungodly color imaginable)
that cost alot more than money.
in yellow, acrid crystals of certain death.
in broken light bulbs.
torch lighters
foil,
straws and pen shafts
in makeup,
Oh, so much makeup,
that we really wore,
more for ourselves than anyone.
we found it in each other,
and how we met needs,
in how we could be our own saviors.
And we found it,
in the way we awoke each morning,
with no memory of any of this.
Why oh why,
had we become,
nothing,
and everything,
we ever wanted?
and where would we take it from here?
________________________________
We were. We are. We will be.
________________________________
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